Jian Ghomeshi, You Sir are a Penis

About a year ago while driving home from work around 10:00 p.m., I was scanning the radio stations looking for something to listen to. As an avid pursuer of Canadian news and culture, I keep CBC logged in as one of the pre-sets on the radio in my vehicle, and that night I happened to catch the intro to a heretofore undiscovered-by-me radio show called, simply, “Q”. Well! I was immediately wrapped in the smooth, dulcet tones as the voice of the host crafted for me a blanket woven of pure delight, as he described what the upcoming program would entail. At the same time I was resisting the urge to pull over so I could fully embrace my need to move in a dance-related way to the funkiest song south of Stevie Wonder, “Shining Star” by Earth, Wind, and Fire. I sat, enthralled, as the host Jian Ghomeshi (yes, of Moxi Fruvous fame, though I’m sure I don’t have to tell you that) laid bare for me the culture scene in the frosty land that I call home. For months I would tune in whenever I could to hear comedians, authors and columnists (many of whom I was familiar with, and admirers thereof), musical icons (re: Derek’s discussion of Brian Eno, an interview that still stands as one of my favourites from the show), as well as politicians and activists and the entire spectrum of not only the Canadian culture scene but the world’s! It wasn’t until the several months into what I was certain would be an unending hetero-sexual man-love affair with Jian before I realized that my initial infatuation had blinded me to a horrible truth: Jian Ghomeshi (whose name is endlessly butchered by his guests, as I’m sure you can imagine) is a dick! I had begun to suspect this, as Pulitzer prize winning authors and Nobel Laureates were paraded in front of Mr. Ghomeshi (in my heartache, I can’t even type his first name anymore) and the tone of utter condescension became more and more clear in the voice of the host as he addressed prestigious men and women as though he were a police officer catching them with a same sex prostitute (not that I would know anything about that). Surely I must be mistaken, my own jealousy at the success of Ghomeshi’s guests was undoubtedly skewing my ability to assess tone of voice in the host. Not until recently, when Q hosted legendary recording engineer and producer Ken Scot did I finally break through my self-doubt and in horror made my aforementioned dick-related accusation aloud to myself in the car. Ken Scot has very few true credits to his name, though he did dabble a bit with no-name acts like the Beatles, Elton John, Duran Duran (don’t be ashamed if you don’t know who these acts are, I had to google them myself while researching this essay), but one man he did work with is one of my all-time favourites: David Bowie. This alone gives him legendary status in my mind, and when I heard he’d be a guest on Q, I was thoroughly excited. However, mid-way through the interview with Ghomeshi, I came to two equally earth shattering revelations: 1) I need better shit to do at 10:30 at night and 2) Jian Ghomeshi (oh how it pains my heart of hearts to type that name!) was actually talking down to Ken Scot not only as though they were equals but as though Ghomeshi were in some way superior to this legend! The pretentious tones, the snide half comments, the questioning of genius, all of these things were laid bare for my unprepared ears to absorb! Needless to say, I pulled my car off the road and immediately penned my apology to Mr. Scot’s people on behalf of our nation’s radio station (well, not really, but I’ll get to it eventually I’m sure) and vowed to never listen to Q ever again! Well, as I’m sure those of you who’ve made New Years resolutions are aware, promises to yourself are the hardest ones to keep (except those made to strange women in bars after 6 or 7 Grey Gooses [Grey Geese?]) and I’ve still listened to Q when I’m in the car after 10 p.m., but I want you to know this Jian: I’m onto you. You, Jian Ghomeshi, are a penis. So I leave you with this: I will await your written apology Mr. Ghomeshi. Not for the way you treat your guests, oh no, but for the way you treated my heart. Send it to Phil, care of this website. I await your reply.

PS

*note*
Q is now on CBC radio 1 @ 10:00p MST Monday-Friday